Mumma, आपका अपने समधी और समधनों से प्यार भरा रिश्ता देखते ही बनता था और वो एक special mention की बात है। (Your special sweet relationship with your co-parents-in law is worth a special mention). It is not very often that we see the parents of a husband and wife get along well or enjoy each other’s company. In our case however, it is amazing how well you got along with not just the mothers of all your daughters in law but also their fathers. Living with co-parents in law at your sons’ homes for extended periods of time in different countries and cities, going out, playing games, going shopping, tourism trips- you did all of it with such ease. You liked each one of them and the best part of liking someone is when they like you back. They all loved being with you. Your warmth and अपनापन (ease) worked so well with them that it seemed like they turned out liking you more than they had planned. They may or may not have gotten a chance to say this to you personally but they all miss you and your company even today and with this post I am just being a messenger to tell this to you.

Usually the easiest and best way to clear your mind is to go for a long drive to nowhere. However for Delhites this is not an easy task considering the maddening traffic at all times of the day. For us though, this ‘nowhere’ used to be India Gate, which is actually pretty far from ‘nowhere’ if one considers its location and history.
The most prominent landmark of Delhi, this phenomenal monument carries names of more than 82,000 brave soldiers of the Indian Army who died during the First World War. The massive arch has the अमर जवान ज्योति (eternal flame of the immortal soldier) smoldering underneath it to honor those who sacrificed their lives in warfare (the flame has been burning for decades now) and is one of the most frequented places in Delhi.
Just the thought of going to India Gate at night is exciting for people who live to have fun. You were one of them. आप ही एक थे जो ever ready रहते थे (you were the only one who used to remain ever ready) for a late night drive to India gate. Often when the kids insisted on going for a drive to India Gate for the customary ice cream and soap bubble vendors and the classic bioscope show (a giant kaleidoscopic box that you peep in to through a pin hole. It has pictures that move through manual rotation and loud Bollywood songs playing in the background- old time cinema) you would be the only adult supporting them! You would try to convince all the reluctant unenthusiastic ones to get in the car despite their whining and complaints. You used to be the most lively soul during these visits marveling at each new toy or candy that the vendors had on display. Often you would humor the kids with surprise treats though secretly you wanted to try out the new toy or candy as much as the kids did. Mumma, these visits brought out the child in you like nothing else!

Today I am remembering you with an anecdote that always puts a smile on our faces. This is from a decade ago when we had just moved to Ghana. While giving you an overview of the house compound, we introduced you to the guards and you asked if they were armed. It was only then that we became curious, if they were in fact armed, and if so with what? Before I reveal the name of the weapon, let me tell you that we have asked many of our friends to take a guess at what the weapon could be and nobody has ever guessed it right! So, drumroll…….. it was a bow and arrow! We were shocked at the illusion of security we were living in but at same time could not stop laughing at how ridiculous the entire situation was.
Moving on with the story, you asked the guard to show the bow and arrow and how the guards used it. To our dismay they did not even know how to hold the arrow on the bow properly, let alone to take an aim. You then showed them how to use it. Thanks to our experience- as Indians, of celebrating the festival of Dusshera when we buy toy sized bow and arrows and learn to use them, you knew your way around the “weapon”. The guards were surprised and possibly quite embarrassed to see how the grandmother could use their weapon way better than them. To put the record straight, the bows and arrows soon got replaced with a baton for our house.
We made such good memories with you. Mummy, at that time, we didn’t even realize that we were making memories, we just knew that we were having fun.

As the saying goes, you can plan a perfect picnic but you cannot predict the weather. But, for us it was always the other way around. The child in you was excited at the slightest indication by इंद्रदेव (the God of rain) that it was going to rain. जब जब बादल घिर आते आप picnic मनाने के लिए मचल उठतीं थीं (the moment you saw clouds at the horizon, you would get so excited to go for a picnic). In other words, we used to bring our own weather to the picnic. Picnics always acquire a new meaning when they’re planned and enjoyed with loved ones. Picnics with you were always much more than eating a meal, they were truly more about a pleasurable state of mind.
As a result of perpetually hot and sweltering North Indian Summers, any sign of clouds as the messengers of rain brews a lot of excitement among everyone. I recall that when you were with us in Canada, all summer days seemed like picnic days and we often used to pack our meals and go to the lake side. My picnic basket was most used when you were around- across Kenya, Ghana, Srilanka, Bangladesh and Canada. All the kids still recall the jokes about going to Sanjay झील (Sanjay Lake) in Delhi each time there was a talk about planning a day out. For us, a picnic was only truly a Picnic when you were around. We treasure so many sweet memories of picnics with you. Miss you so much mumma!

मम्मा, आपका पान से प्यार जगज़ाहिर है। वो तो आपके दाँतों ने धोका दे दिया वरना आज भी तीसरी generation के बच्चे पेड़ वाले पंडितजी से पान ला रहे होते। (Mumma, your love for paan, the beetle leaf mouth freshener, was well known in the family. Your tooth decay years ago did not support your consumption of paan and unfortunately you had to give it up. Had that not been the case, our third generation kids would still have been running up to the paanwale punditji to get you your daily paan).
You were so addicted to it that you had to have one after every meal–breakfast, lunch and dinner in your heyday. आपका बस चलता तो “जब तक है जान तब तक है पान” सच हो जाता।
(If you had had your way, this routine would have continued until your last breath)
I recall you enjoying paan once again over later years (of course with lesser condiments and beetle nut) when we had plenty of leaves on our vine in Accra, Ghana. We even carried the leaves around on our trips to friends’ and families’ homes in Canada and US. You took so much pride in sharing our homegrown paan with one and all. The twinkle in your eye as you proudly boasted that it had been grown in our own backyard bore testimony to your love for not just the paan but also the spirit of sharing and good times that the delicacy stands for.

Mummy you had a special way of getting along with people of any age or background, more so with kids. And this includes not just kids in the family, or those in the extended family, but also all the kids in the neighborhood. You believed that time spent playing with children is never wasted.
It is so true that the way we deal with our kids becomes their inner voice. The kids learnt so much from you! Whether it was while playing a game or listening to all the interesting stories you had to tell. You knew very well that if a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach them the way they can learn. You enjoyed playing board and card games with them and in the process you taught them so much. People don’t stop playing because they grow old, rather they grow old because they stop playing. This was never true for you as well. You played till the last day of your life, not only with the kids in our family but with the kids of all our friends in different parts of the world. So many of our friends still recall and compliment us for your way of getting along with them and their kids on all your visits to their homes. I truly believe that the reason you got along so well with people was because you did not expect them to be like you. If getting along with others is an art then you perfected and even improved it. You brought so much joy to peoples’ lives and as a consequence to your own as well. You remained forever young!

Mumma, today is about your passion for video games. You held on to an old Nokia phone for over 10 years only because it had your favorite game- Tetris. Decades ago you had a Nintendo Gameboy with over 125 games that you clung onto so dearly for a very long time! In fact, you once broke the screen of this game boy but got it fixed immediately to ensure you didn’t lose out on the levels you had earned! Lately you had switched over to your IPad and phone. One could see you secretly playing on your phone at 1 or 2 AM when you could not get to sleep. Your phone accompanied you all the time even to the hospital for your chemotherapy. You were lost in the world of video games and could play for hours at a stretch if nobody disturbed you. I guess what you learnt from the video games was that if you are having to face enemies on your journey then you are heading the right way. This spirit made you the most inspiring fighter, especially when it came to fighting the deadly cancer.
SUDOKU and crosswords were your other two favorites to pass time. After solving the ones published in newspaper sections you moved on to sudoku and crossword books. With many years of practice you would go for the hard ones and your purse always had a pencil and eraser ready at airports, planes, beaches and hospitals to take on new challenges.
We miss seeing you energetically playing all these games! Life is truly like a video game. You sometimes get zapped, sometimes you achieve success. Mumma, you were always a winner!

Today is the golden jubilee day of our celebration of your vibrant life. And what better way to celebrate it than by recounting the antics of those you loved the most: आपके तीन चिराग़ (your three sons).
Mumma, you were blessed with 3 of the most mischievous kids before they became adults. You had to manage their acts and discipline them through any and every means you had at your disposal (this once included using a Bata चप्पल (flip flop) for the more notorious ones like Manoj). I recall the stories you told us about dreading to go to visit Nani (grandma) in Agra or any other relatives with these 3 boys. They could get up to a lot of mischief and no one would know it was them. As they were almost the same age, they fought like crazy and would do bizarre things that no one could possibly think of. One classic incident was when papa got a nice mechanical airplane from abroad for Atul Bhaiya and as soon as you and the 3 brats reached Agra, even before the intended recipient of the gift could lay his hands on it, the boys opened it up and split it apart into pieces. You were so embarrassed in situations like this but always resolved the awkwardness by gracefully moving on and trying to find humor in it. Also, when you had to travel for the first time with Papa to Bangkok and Hong Kong, you decided to leave the boys behind with Madhu Bhabhi for about 15 days. Such was the challenge in managing these kids that after those 15 days Madhu Bhabhi ने तौबा की (swore to herself) that never again would she consider babysitting this mafia. They say “Everybody knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight”. I guess this was very true for the three of them and they used to get into fights at the drop of a hat.
Surprisingly enough, the three of them sobered down so much over the years that it is unbelievable to see how formal and respectful they are towards each other now. You surely had some special skills to be able to survive the notoriety of these three over those early years and then were rewarded with this extreme changeover in the later years. Cheers to your 77 years with these three brats!