Mumma, such was your influence and aura that whenever you were around us we felt alive. Not only did we celebrate your and our birthdays together for so many years, but we celebrated our lives with you.
I am reminded today of all the happy moments we shared together while celebrating your birthdays in different parts of the world. It is so true that the more you praise and celebrate life, the more there is to celebrate.
We lived every day with you like it was your birthday that day.
I remember some of your landmark birthdays like the 70th and 75th birthday. For the 70th one we got you seven surprise gifts including a life size bouquet of flowers. Also, we cherish memories of the 75th birthday that we celebrated in Canada two years ago. You were turning 75, looking 55 and feeling 35. Love you for everything you were Mumma!

An anecdote that is a fond memory of माँसी (maternal aunt) is how as the older sister you were caring like a mother, carefree like a friend, a defender, a counselor and a listener all at the same time for her. 
Masi recalls how you used to make her plaits every morning for school. She would not get them done by anybody but you. She felt devastated when you got married and left the family home to live in Delhi. It took quite a few days for her to accept that her dear बहिनजी (older sister) was not going to be there to do her hair every morning and send her to school. Your first job was being an older sister and you took it very seriously. It is true that there is no better friend than a sister and there was no better sister than you.
An older sister helps retain the half child and half adult in you. I recall you wrote a couplet for your younger brother बब्बू मामा (maternal uncle) a few years ago for his 70th birthday that goes like this:
माँ बाप का लाडला बब्बू ,
अब बन गया है बच्चों का दद्दू,
सफ़ेद ढाढी सफ़ेद बाल कमर का बुरा हाल,
फिर भी दिल है जवान ,
भगवान करे यह दिन आए बार बार बड़ी बहन का यही है आशीर्वाद !

Mumma, as long as your memories are with us I shall say, life is good. I mused about your wedding yesterday. Your life before you got married had its own charm and highlights.
You had a simple childhood with your siblings, four brothers and a sister. Not only you, but all of us have enjoyed your family. Manoj recalls that for all of the summer vacations you and the boys would go to Agra and have fun in the old ancestral house in पन्नी गली (name of a famous by lane). It was unbelievable how the narrow lane where barely two people could walk side by side led to a big palatial house with a huge courtyard. All the precious memories are coming alive again in this exercise – sleeping on the टट्टर (steel frame covering the courtyard that would double up as the roof of the house), collecting peacock feathers on the roof that was frequented by lots of peacocks in the evening where they would shed their feathers. Under the tyrant rule of नानी (grandma) the kids could not touch anything in the kitchen without washing their hands every single time. There were no basins or running taps so it meant tilting the लोटा (a round steel pot with neck and a rim to pour) with the elbow to get the water.
मामा (paternal uncle) used to bring the choicest of mangoes in summers for all of us to enjoy, we would sit together in the courtyard eating them as afternoon turned to dusk. The same leisurely routine was also followed during the winter visits when we enjoyed the warmth of sun and cherished eating fresh मूली (white raddish) and अमरूद (guavas) with chat masala and juicy oranges. Lunch would be a simple मटर वाली ताहिरी (basmati rice pulav with peas) but the taste of it still lingers in our mouths.
Mumma, with you not around, it is crazy to accept how someone who was such a huge part of your life can be gone, just like that. So many hearts are hurting thinking of you. And yet we’re also so thankful for the incredible memories that you have left behind.

I cannot say I have given a comprehensive tribute to your life, Mumma, if I didn’t talk about the most important event of your life, your शादी (wedding). You and Papa were together for 38 years when he left this world unexpectedly. Interesting anecdotes that we have heard of your wedding range from the time when the wedding was arranged to how it turned around your life completely, as it does for any average Indian woman.
You and Papa exchanged your first glance from a balcony window. The rest was all finalized by the parents. With Papa being a sports journalist, an educated and beautiful girl like you was a perfect match for him. From your family’s point of view too, Papa was a good match as he was educated and came from a well established business family in a big city like Delhi.
A car full of ladies and Papa led by भाभो (great grand mother) and driven by family driver Mangeram arrived in old Agra City in पन्नी गली (a famous bylane) to see you and meet with बड़ी नानी (maternal great grandma) for match making. It was quite an event in those days!
You were always one of the happiest people, not because you had the best of everything, but you were the one who made the best out of everything. Having said that, one regret you had and we all have now is that there are no pictures of your wedding day. That is because बड़े पापा (paternal uncle) took a lot of pictures but unfortunately there was some problem with the camera rolls and all pictures came out dark or black. But as they say, life is too short for long term grudges.
Life changed for you drastically after moving from a small city to a big one, from a small family to a big one, from an education oriented family to a business oriented family, from humble living to the most modern living possible in those times. You were exposed to so many new technological devices after your marriage. More than 6 decades ago Papa’s house had telephone, fridge and television, something which was unprecedented at that time even for a big city like Delhi.
I know that you handled this change so well because you always focused all your energy not in fighting the old, but on building the new.

The experience and oral history passed down by our elders forms the foundation of all family traditions. Mumma, you made sure all our family traditions and rituals were carried out meticulously and passed down to the next generation moving forward. This was one thing I especially enjoyed sharing with you. In fact, I have made every effort to carry forward your legacy, not just celebrating our many festivals and rituals around the world but also sharing them with friends and family wherever we were. With family traditions, we work together to make memories that last forever. I truly believe that these traditions help to define who we are. They provide something steady and reliable in a confusing and complex world. Today, I recall many memories including those from our trip to Shani’s home in Huntsville, Alabama where we organized a गोद भराई ceremony (traditional Indian baby shower) for her. Remembering you and your vibrant personality, Shani says that the day was so much fun and although she missed her parents, you were around to fill the void. I fondly recall how we performed all the rituals in exactly the way as it would have happened in India with all of the close family around. Instead, this time we had friends who, in a foreign land, are like family. Your exuberance always made everything so special for people around you. All of them feel that you have touched their lives in a profound way.

Today’s post features some more contributions to your memories from your dear ones in the family. Namely Annie – to whom you were a नानी (grandmother), Shaloo and Neeru Didi for whom you were मामी (maternal aunt), Rachna to whom you were ममिया सासुमाँ (maternal mother-in-law) and Sonu to whom you were दद्दा (paternal grandmother). Neeru Didi recalls all the good times during their summer vacations over the years with you. She has fond memories of going to see all Amitabh Bachchan movies, wandering around the ancestral shop in old Delhi and making unplanned trips to the Red Fort just to have fun. She recalls how you would sometimes had to go around looking for all the naughty kids to find them at Red Fort. Annie recalls that she used to love coming to Daryaganj as she was pampered by you and Asha चाची (paternal aunt) a lot during the summer vacations. Shaloo says your life in itself was an inspiration. Your indomitable spirit continues to teach her how to live life to the fullest. You were a true fighter who never bowed down even in the face of difficult circumstances. You will always live in their hearts and your life will always be a source of happiness and inspiration for all your fans. Sonu recalls all the good times with you, भाभो (great grandma), Asha दद्दा (grandma), all of the 10 चाचा (paternal uncles) and everybody else in that big joint family. The most special memories are from Diwali and Dussehra festival days, which she recalls fondly. Rachna says that though she did not get a chance to spend much time with you, she looks up to you as an example to live life “King Size”.

Mumma, on this journey of memories, as I continue to recount your travels across the world, I recall one of the most fun trips to Accra with your siblings. We had a blast with all you septuagenarians doing so many things for the first time. These were experiences and adventures that you had not attempted all of your lives. It was wonderful to watch the brief period for which you all threw caution to the wind and began living by my mantra – if you never try, you will never know.

Mumma, in these coming days my posts will feature memoirs from some of your near and dear ones in the extended family. I have been receiving a lot of thoughts about how you touched their lives in a special way. Being there for the family as a friend and as a supporter for youngsters was one of the highlights of your personality. 
Amita, Babita -our dear twin Suzies, as we call them, have expressed their gratitude and love for you for being there for them and having their back when they most needed it. They recall the times when they wanted to venture into new things in life but didn’t have too much backing for their initiatives. It was you who stood by them and provided them that needed encouragement. Young girls being independent and doing a lot of things on their own was unthinkable for parents in India at that time (about 3 decades ago). For everything like taking a train ride alone, to attending a NCC Camp (National Cadet Corps) in Bombay, making an unsupervised trip to a city like Hissar, enjoying after class college life, attending the Ganga sailing camp and much more, you were the rock behind them. You encouraged them to go for it and also convinced their parents and our strict tyrant भाभो (the great grandmother) to allow them to do these things. You facilitated exposure to new things and thereby helped prepare them better for whatever came next in their life. It must have been a quite an onerous process for them to learn to flow easily with new experiences, new challenges and new people that entered their lives. Your support made them take the chances they got in their lives as some things happen only once. Your constant presence made their journey towards emancipation and more freedom as young girls so much easier and for this they are eternally grateful to you.

This landmark 60th day of my tribute to you, Mumma, has to be about some anecdotes that probably nobody knows about, even in the close family. 
Often I am reminded of the times when I was newly married and as a young professional experiencing new things in my life. My most vivid memory is of the time when I had my first performance evaluation at work, and then the first time I attended a management training on gender sensitization (courtesy of CARE). You were the first and only one I talked to about these. I remember I was so impressed with the process that went into my first performance evaluation. The concept of providing feedback about what has gone right or wrong with an aim to improve in the future simply came across to me as a very fair and genuine process. I remember I suggested that you do an evaluation of all family members so that we all talk openly about what is good and bad and our expectations from each other with an aim to improve our relationships. At first you were shocked at this suggestion and found it difficult to imagine – all family members talking openly about anything and everything! The other thing I shared with you was what I learnt about gender sensitization in a 5 day management meeting. This was more than 25 years ago and this is one topic that is still not talked about sufficiently in India. I was so surprised and confused at the same time when I realized that societal norms have systematically and consciously been designed for women to grow up with the idea that sacrifice, submission and giving is a virtue only for them. What we consider संस्कार (values) is actually just a way to get women to fall in line with certain expectations. I recall you were also shocked to learn about these theories and found them quite absurd at that time. Having said that, I can say with utmost conviction that over the years these new concepts impressed you too. I could see behavioral changes in you and I would always find a supporter in you whenever I needed one.
I presume that the openness and direct communication in our relationship was the result of our frank conversations about these topics despite the fact that some people would not understand these issues even in today’s day and age.
I cannot say enough how much I miss talking to you and thinking aloud with you every single day.

 
The world is like a book and those who do not travel read only one page. You, it seems, in your life time had read more than half of the book. A true traveller’s journey is never complete, while we are still continuing our journey in this worldly world, you have departed on the eternal journey.
Mumma, your journey to the mesmerizing world of Egypt is something that I cannot ignore while reminiscing.
This was one trip that, as I recall, swept you off your feet. You felt like you were in a different world altogether. The glory of the Egyptian temples and tombs left you in awe and our visit to the Valley of Kings and Queens was simply breathtaking. The grandeur of mighty pyramids that look down on 40 centuries of mankind, the story of the unfinished obelisk, delicate papyrus paintings, floral perfumes, the wealth of history and the intricate crafts displayed in the museums amused you to a great extent. You loved your first ever cruise on the Nile river. The cruise ship itself, the pool, casino and the whimsical performances like the Tanura Egyptian skirt dance, belly dance and so much more that was on offer on the vessel kept you delighted. You found some kind of magical charm some in every place we visited together. We were in Cairo during Eid time and you witnessed for the first time the calling of azaan in a public area when muslims break their fast and have iftari. It was a stupendous experience of seeing so many people breaking fast together on hundreds of well laid out patio tables on the street. The harmony and openness with which christians and muslims lived together in Egypt was something you had not expected and were impressed by it.
It is a fact that travel makes us modest as we get to see what a small space we occupy in this grand world. This trip did just that for all of us and we’re glad we had you by our side on this wonderful journey.